Monday, April 28, 2014

What is in a name?

Explain why you chose your blog’s title and what it means to you.  
- WordPress, 365 days of prompts, 2013

My modus operandi  is to be driven to extremes.  As I stated, on Wednesday, in my first blog post, titled, Here we go.., I'm famous for hurriedly Scotch taping together a fledgling future, only to tear it to pieces by my own hand.  I'm the type of chick who is able to make a good first impression but unable to follow through.  

My blog is a perfect example of my infantile ego demands. I felt super positive about my first post last week.  As I stated, it took me months to access the strength to do something like this, and I felt a self-satisfaction that I could get used to.  

A flourish, if you will.

It wasn't until Sunday morning that I posted again.  Why?  Because, child like feelings of fear constantly dogged my step.  Unable to secure a psychic stronghold, in the wasteland of my mind, my whispering thoughts taunted me, 'The first time was a fluke, you're not going to be able to write something half way decent again; you may as well stop right now, you have no business doing this.'  So, I hid - lest my humanness hang out.    

A flounder, no doubt.   

Welcome to the turbulent flux of my mind.   While writing this, I can't help but smile.  My false beliefs have the force to get every cell in my body firing on a narrative that the twelve year old inside of me has concocted.  I have tried so hard to hide my brokenness by rejecting anything I will not be perfect at on the first shot.  This blog is about me consistently showing up.  Broken or fixed.  Flourishing or floundering, I am determined to connect with my humanity.  I trust that my writing is the way.     

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